I was channel surfing the other day, and happened upon a part in Scandal where the main character and her friend are having a fight about a case they’re working on. The main character is yelling at her friend and defending her reasons for acting as she did. When she’s done, her friend yells right back at her, just as vicious and gangsta: she has made a mistake in the way she is handling the case, and her friend let’s her know. The friend says something along the lines of, “The real Olivia Pope busted my abusive husband’s knee caps and got me the hell out of that fucked up marriage. You do NOT get to decide when you’re going to be her and when you’re going to act like somebody else.” I know, I know. Old g style, yeah? I gotta start watching from the beginning, and then on the regular.
But, anyway: That’s what I needed and that’s what I got. I needed someone to remind me what the real Maria Rubio is like. I needed someone to remind me how ballsy I am, how I see the world and my self, and how committed I am to my family. I needed someone to remind me why I am who I am, and that as much as I like pissing off my dad, he is NOT the reason I do what I do or am who I am, and I’m nothing like him. I needed someone to remind me about my patterns in behavior, and the great leaps I’ve made to change the bad patterns in my behavior and improve the good patterns in my behavior. I needed someone to remind me how much faith I have in myself, and in the universe, and in people, in general. I needed someone to remind me who I was when I met Rob, and how we’ve both changed, and how we still know the fundamental parts of each other. I needed someone I trust. I needed someone I love. I needed someone who has as much faith in me as I usually do (on a good day).
And thankfully, I got exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.
Now, I’m keeping my head on straight and doing what I have to do to be happy and healthy and the best I can be. No more excuses. No more stupid mistakes. Life is good, and for the first time in a long time, it feels good too.