Mom left for NYC today, and I miss her TERRIBLY. Yeah, she drives me crazy, but I love love love her. Besides Rob, she’s the only person who knows how to take care of me, and in her presence, I feel nurtured and adored and completely loved. With my mom, there are no questions; the only thing I need to know is that she genuinely, 100%, loves me. And that’s all I really need to know.
I missed class in order to take her to the airport and decompress. More specifically (importantly?), I missed at least two quizzes, one of which was given by a teacher who notoriously refuses to give make-up quizzes. She still hasn’t decided if she’s goig to let me and my brother take the quiz, and my attitude right now is frustration tinged with a bit of resignation.
I’m a full-grown adult with a family of my own, a baby on the way, my own business, several recent deaths in the family, a visiting parent, and a host of other obligations, and I still score higher than most of my classmates. I have nothing to prove. All I’m saying is, I only have one mom, and she’s going to the airport so that she can take a flight to the other side of the world, and no quiz is going to take precedence over seeing her off – even if missing it lowers my grade to limbo-champion status.
I’ve got priorities and principles, understand? If yours and mine cancel each other out, that’s too bad. I refuse to stoop or bend just to fit someone else’s version of “right”.
The stress of having to deal with scenarios such as these, aka situations that are brand new to me because I’m from NYC, aka land of “You missed a quiz? Then take it when you come back to class. No problem!”, is why I’m cramming facts and figures into my head. I don’t mind cramming all of these facts and figures into my head because I figure they’ll somehow serve me, and they’ll also boost my grade. But if I waste my time on definitions and percentages, only to find out there’s no quiz?
Um, let’s not even go there. I don’t think I can handle that kind of headache.
My stomach’s been queazy since we dropped Mom off at the airport. I’ve had diarrhea all day. My head hurts. My stomach feels like it’s twisted in knots. I kknow I had diarrhea right before giving birth to Riley (it’s a common sign that labor is imminent), but I don’t remember if it felt like this. I wonder how many babies I’ll have to give birth to in order for the signs and symptoms of labor and delivery to be obvious to me.
I’m also thinking about lots of other things, like: I have to assert myself to the new maids as their boss and also streamline their schedules and list of responsibilities. I have to talk to Joy about improving her care for Riley. I have to finish up the business poster, cram 40 pages full of facts and figures into my brain, and somehow manage to set aside all of my emotions re: Mom’s departure, feeling like the world’s on my shoulders, and balancing everything out. There’s also a notebook I have to make re: our domestic workers, so that I can keep track of the money we give them. And: I’m trying to get in the loop of several activist/political organizations. Not to mention: Finding the time to write and cook and plant and design and sew.
It’s a lot.
And I’m feeling my entire self being stretched in a zillion directions.
And even though I know I can handle it – I will handle it – I still want my mommy.