I’m kind of in between feelings right now. There’s a lot to process, and I’m afraid that if I take the time to really think about all the stuff that’s going on, I’m not going to be able to do the stuff I have to do. Doing that has been by m.o. for as long as I can remember, and now that I know better, I’m really trying not to repeat the same mistakes.
So I’m taking a breather. Stepping away from the internet. Focusing on the things that I can change rather than the things I cannot change. I’m going to spend more time with Riley, and exercise more, and make a lot of gnocchi. I’m going to write using pen and paper, and try to write songs and poems again, and pick up the guitar with serious intentions of learning to write a song by myself. I’m going to study in advance for the classes I’m going to have next semester, and finish a few short stories, and get back to gardening. I’m going to invest in my health and appearance, and not feel guilty. I’m going to upgrade my editing business, upgrade my tech know-how, and start saving up for a family car.
I’m going to do all of the things I told myself I’d do while taking my reprieve from New York City, and I’m going to try to forget all of the things I’m missing out on by being so far away from New York City.
Those are all promises I have to keep to myself. For the sake of my sanity. For the sake of my future. For the sake of my family.