Something about autumn always makes me pensive and thoughtful. Maybe it’s the abrupt change from sweltering NYC summer heat to calm and collected, cool breezes. Maybe it’s knowing that school is around the corner, and carefree days and late, late drunken nights are to be put on hold. Maybe it’s because I know my birthday is coming up. Whatever it is, autumn does something to me, and the weather right now, so reminiscent of autumn, is making me feel emotions I’d long ago sacked away in a bottom drawer. Nostalgia, pure and ripe, is dripping from my chin. My heart is bursting, and not just beating, with raw, explosive energy. My soul is convulsing with life. I feel so utterly connected to every passing moment, and yet unbelievably tethered to all the days that made them possible. And knowledge – a great, wide, lapping sea of knowledge – is available and pristine and urging me to jump in. I feel it coursing through my veins just as I’m lapping it up, lapping through it, laps for days that never tire me.
At this specific time, with this specific pregnancy, in this specific place, everything I need to happen is happening. And despite the crazy-often headaches and vomiting that accompany morning sickness and the body aches and pains and general mayhem of carrying another life inside my body while carrying my own and my family’s on my back, I am utterly and amazingly grateful.