Riley’s caught the crazy flu-turned-cold that’s been bugging me*, so just minutes after I’d fallen asleep at 1 a.m., I wasn’t all too surprised to be awake again. He’d been tossing and turning in an effort to get comfortable, and when that hadn’t worked, he ‘d turned to Mommy for help.
This is exactly what I mean when I say that motherhood has helped me gained MOUNTAINS of patience. Because two years ago, if someone had woken me up right after I’d fallen asleep? I’d have been fuming mad. Like, cartoon-character-with-smoke-blowing-out-of-my-ears mad. Cursing up a storm, my blood pressure damn near the moon, my left eye twitching mad.Thisclose to committing homicide and being let off the hook for being temporarily insane mad.
Mad? Was I mad?
Nope. Not in the slightest. Now, I have the same cool, crisp blood that must have run through Ghandi’s pacificist veins. (Except when you blatantly disrespect me or fuck with my friends/family, of course, but that’s neither here nor there.)
The fact is, now? When shit goes wrong? I kind of shrug and smile because I’ve accepted that sometimes, bad/unexpected/lame/strange shit happens, and that’s okay.
At least, on the outside, I’ve accepted it.
I wonder if, subconsciously, I’m really storing a lot of negative energy, and my soul is being eaten away by the negativity that I no longer allow myself to feel. Is that possible? Could I really be subconsciously hiding this whole other set of emotions away from my knowing self? Could all this positivity really just be a charade that I’m not even aware I’m putting on?
Because this feeling of relaxation in the face of tumult? This calm in the middle of the storm? This sea of tranquility which makes me feel like I must have answered riddles that Ancient Greeks could only hypothesize about? It’s new and completely unexpected. And so. very. AWESOME.
On the real: I feel like I’m high. Soaring above clouds, blissed out, cooling out as I feast, vampire-like, from a tapped vein of the collective human genius higgghhhhh. For reaallllll. It’s a bee-you-tif-full feeling!
Maybe I’m just pregnant and absorbing all the happy hormones that are coursing through my veins? I am one day late.