I used to be a major procrastinator, and other than bursts of adrenaline, it never got me anywhere good. Now I’m a mom, and my life is dictated by the needs of another human being, and in order to be successful at meeting his needs while meeting my own needs, and simultaneously staying in my happy place, I’ve caught up on lessons of attitude, preparation, and discipline. New leaf? Welcome! Please keep on turning!
And now that I’m in my happy place, I’m being a hell of a lot more productive. Awesome? Yes. But also, a bit of a mind-fuck. I mean, damn, I thought I knew what it meant to be busy. I was wrong.
Numero uno on the agenda: I’ve jump-started my editing business, which translates into lots of emailing and trying to figure out how the heck I’m supposed to get emails sent to my phone. (This is where my technologically-related retardedness and my third-world residence meet and kill me slowly.) It also translates into me, on deadline, editing papers about FreudeducationpoetrypovertyprettymuchEVERYTHING, and for now, at least, I’m taking it all in stride. So what if I’m charging peanuts? I’m working out the English grammar side of my brain and getting paid for it and learning a lot of awesomeness while doing so. Plus, ya know, I’m earning money by helping people, and that money is going to buy my little guy a kiddie laptop and kitchen set for Christmas (amongst other things). Plus, hopefully I can build on the business I’ve got and someday charge a few more peanuts than my present rate. Hopefully. Someday.
For now, I’m just happy that I’ve found a beneficial way to earn money, aka I can improve myself by doing this job. Smiley faces all around! (No, really. I’m corny that way.) And, ya know, I won’t try to hide it: Getting paid in dollars makes a heck of a difference when you’re living in the Philippines!
So. I’m concentrating on the technological side of things, which is kind of mandatory since all of my clients live in the States, aka on the other side of the world. The editing service website will be up as soon as I figure out what the fuck an SEO is/does and if I need one, and how to design a site (or find someone with compatible style and expertise to do so for me), and all this mumbo-jumbo about web hosting and domain names and OMG, I’m actually a visitor from 1969. This also explains my penchant for Hendrix, free love and medallion necklaces.
Numero dos: Fiction writing. I’ve been working on several stories now for a while, and something’s actually happening with them. Writing is kind of like gardening in that way: You toil in the soil for a while and you know you’re doing something, but you don’t quite know that you’ve been doing anything right until those first buds of green poke out of the dirt.
I’m starting to see a couple of buds poking through my writing, and it’s getting me excited. I’ve already started emailing colleagues and friends from my editing/publishing/hella creative days, and so far, so good. There are big things happening in this part of my life especially, and it’s making me fantasize about getting off the nursing route altogether and being a full-time writer.
For now? I’m just keeping my nose to the grindstone and waiting for something good to magically materialize on my computer screen like a gift from the gods.
Numero tres: Making another baby. This right here has got me thrown for a loop. There are so many things to consider, like finances, and the fact that I’ll be delivering my baby over here aka Am I really comfortable with that?, and the unavailability of childcare… It’s mostly that last one that I’m worried about, because there’s no reliable daycare over here. And family? I’ve got none to depend on when it comes to taking care of Riley, let alone another little one. It’s just… I want one. Right now. So badly.
I’ll admit, that’s high on the crazy meter – even for me. I mean, who does that? Let their feelings control their actions, instead of logically think things through when it comes to having a baby?
Everyone. Everyone does that. And the rewards? Immeasurable. I think it’s safe to cross this one off my worry list/agenda and just see what happens…