As the mom of a 15-month old who likes to do cartwheels on the bed and climb anything with footholds; and the owner of a cat that is so relaxed we often think she has a script for Ambien; and the owner of a dog that loves to soak up attention by doing all sorts of crazy-awesome and crazy-awful things; and the girlfriend of a guy who can’t seem to say what he means; and the boss of a maid who’s more like a foolish stepdaughter; and the sister of a well-intentioned but ridiculously irresponsible soon-to-be-21-year old dude, it’s hard to feel like I’ve got everything under control. Actually, I never feel like I’ve got everything under control.
But tonight? Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, after starting my second official-official semester as a nursing student, and cementing the foundation for my new business, and taking care of my sick 15-month old dare devil, and helping my brother with his sick cat (who I kind of despise *), and doing the nasty until Rob damn near had a coronary, and writing my little heart out on a story that I’m in love with, and having the usual warm and gushy talk with each of my parents, and making Joy’s birthday a happy and memorable one, and making a salad with veggies from my garden, and emailing and talking to friends all around the world (Munich, Versailles, New York, Malibu, oh my!) – tonight, good people, I feel EXCELLENT. Tonight, I feel like I’m doing everything right. Tonight, I feel like I’ve learned a few lessons, gained a few battle scars, lived a lot – and I’m wearing the proof, proudly, out in the open, for all to see. I feel like I’ve jumped over hurdles and through hoops and into the fire – and I’ve survived and I’ve healed and I’m better than ever. I feel acknowledged and understood and loved and respected by the people who mean the most to me, and by the world at large. I feel like anything can happen, like I am the master of my own destiny, like I have a grip on everything that I’m about and everything that is within my power.
It’s a good feeling, my friends, and not one that I feel very often. I’m relishing it as I sip tea and look through fashion magazines. Next week, I’m going to buy my first post-pregnancy swimsuits, and I’m hoping that this wave of positivity lasts well after I get in front of the dressing room mirror!
*The cat, not my brother.