There are a million things about mine and Rob’s relationship that drive me nuts. Given the opportunity to change them, though, I’m not sure that I would. Part of me thinks we’re defined by the problems we have. We wouldn’t be us anymore if those problems didn’t exist. Or rather, Rob could be anyone, altered to my specification, if those problems didn’t exist.
Lately, the problem we’ve been discussing is his eventual leaving. He’s moving back to New York in February, and honestly, I don’t want him to go. I think a family should only split up if 1) the parents have decided to separate and/or divorce, 2) the kids are mature enough to leave the nest, 3) someone’s abusive, or 4) the family is in financial dire straits. None of these characteristics apply to us, so I’m all, Leaving? Wha’…?
As far as I know, Rob and I are a real-life functional, happy couple. Financially, we’re making it work. And happiness is in abundance at our house. So what gives? Why would he want to essentially miss out on three years’ worth of memories with his family? I just don’t get it.
Rob insists on going back to New York to earn money and financially provide for me and Riley. And even though he’s never been able to hold down a job for more than a year, and even though my father insists that Rob’s leaving just to be able to hang out with his friends and play video games all the time, and even though I have doubts our relationship can survive the move, I support him.
Because it’s taken a lot of time and work for Rob to grow the confidence to strive for an ideal.
Because I respect his decision-making skills.
Because I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Because you never know what a relationship is made of until it faces adversity, and I’d rather know what we’re made of than live in ignorance because of fear.
Because, truly, what else is there to do when the man you love tells you what he wants to do? You don’t have to understand it. You just have to understand what it means to love someone.
And maybe that’s the clincher about loving someone. Maybe you never get them. Not completely, anyway. Maybe you have to look past all the doubts and insecurities and worries that plague you about your partner and your relationship, and simply let it be. No matter how much hoping and planning and scrutinizing you do, you just never know what the future has in store.
Maybe Rob will move to New York, earn money, save a bunch for our future, and get a degree while I’m making my dreams come true in the Philippines. Maybe we’ll reunite in 3 years and be better than ever.
Or maybe Rob’s plans won’t go anywhere, I’ll realize he’s all talk and no action, and I’ll get fed up of his lack of dependability. Maybe we’ll break up.
Either way, life is going to happen and I’m going to make the most of it.
But, right now? It’s a turning point, my friend: just another curve on the end of a question mark.