Confessions of an atheist.

I love Glee. Every time I watch an episode, my eyes start glistening and my face gets wet, and I look like an untalented actress who’s gotten by solely on her looks, giving the performance of her life. Pretty girl tears are streaming down my face, for sure, but I swear they’re real.

The show is just so tooth-decayingly sweet in all the right ways. Like a Lifetime primetime film or a Filipino chick flick, it’s carefully orchestrated to wring tears from my eyes.

Glee gets me to think about all of the life lessons that seem cliche but are oh-so-true. It reminds me:  You’re beautiful just the way that you are. Never change – not for anyone. But know when you’re wrong, be willing to admit it, and strive to change that part of you. Lessons that are drilled into our heads all the time, I know. But these days, being so far away from a culture that embeds these feel-good sentiments into our minds and hearts, I really need the inspiration.

The latest episode* explored God and spirituality, and it made me think about my own atheism. You see, I call myself an atheist, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I probably don’t fit the dictionary definition of an atheist.

When I say that I don’t believe in the existence of God, I mean that I don’t believe there’s an anthropomorphic being that judges us and decides our fates. I don’t think that some divine entity has created a set of rules that we must follow. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, and I refuse to live my life in conjunction with any organized set of beliefs.

What I have is faith. Not in an almighty, omnipotent Being who will reward me for following His/Her/Its rules, but in something bigger and better than any one being could ever be. I have faith in people, and in love, and in the future. I have faith in myself and in others: that we are beautiful, flawed creatures who only ever do what we believe is right. I have faith that even though we are all limited in the scope of our understanding and knowledge, we try our best, and at the end of the day, that’s all we can do.

I have faith that there is something bigger than me. It is love, and nature, and the future. It is the culmination of all the days that have preceded me, and the creation of all the days that are to come. It is my son, and your son, and the hope that they will live in a better world than we’ve known.

And maybe you call this bigger thing God. Maybe you ascribe to God all of the characteristics that I ascribe to this all-encompassing awesomeness that creates and molds and is the fabric of our lives. Maybe you’re right, and there is a human-like thing out there, shaking Its head at me right at this second and making me a place in Hell right now.

I just know that we are all striving towards something, and inevitably good things and bad things and big things and small things will happen throughout our journey. I make the best of all of these things and do what I believe to be right. And if there is some judgmental, omnipotent, righteous being out there, fuck Him if he thinks I’m wrong.

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6 responses to “Confessions of an atheist.

  1. hahahaha. girl, I couldn’t have put this any better. beautifully written and profoundly expressed.

  2. Hi, is it okay if I show this article to my class? Hope you are doing okay…

  3. Tnx. This is Tin. I’ve been looking for you… I was told that you’re not in the country (Phil) anymore. Good luck!

    • Hi, Ma’am! Thank you! Not sure what’s next for me, but I’m still in the Philippines. I’ll write a post soon about that. Thanks for reading!

  4. Call me tin,take care!

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