Mom’s been in town for three days now, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed. Not by my mom, per se, but by the pressure to bond with her. She’s only in town for 2 weeks, and I feel like there are so many moments of maternal bonding that I’m missing out on because of school. So I’m at home today… And she’s out, at the mall.
I can handle school. But after handling it, I’d be spent. No more energy, no more patience, no more time to write my part of the article that I’m co-authoring with a good friend or spend quality time with Rob and Riley.
I’d been doing so well managing everything, but after taking a full day off from school to pick my mom up from the airport, everything just got shot to hell. Midterms are in two weeks, we’re having quizzes every day, and quiz grades count for 30% of the grade. There are only 2 or 3 quizzes per marking period, so if I miss one, I’m pretty much assed out. There’s no way to make it up. And between projects, assignments, and keeping up with this brand new culture, I’m feeling worn out.
When I get home, it’s wall-to-wall parenting and partnering, and some time for making money, and that’s about it. I’m on auto-pilot, and I have no time to actually experience anything. No time to create. No time to be artistic or creative or fun. I’m just doing. And it sucks. Big time.
I can’t help but think about this sudden state of auto-pilot. I’d like to think it’s temporary and that I’ll someday figure out how to squeeze face-time with all of my beloved friends and family into the schedule. But for now? Just having my awesome, beautiful, well-intentioned and super-helpful mom around is making me feel spent.
So I slept in and missed class and read and wrote and spent time with my mom and son and boyfriend and soaked up their love and tried not to feel too guilty about not being able to do it all.
Because sometimes* cutting myself some slack feels better than putting myself through the ringer.
* This has almost NEVER happened, but I think today might have been the exception.