I learned a lot this past weekend. Like, when I’m sick, I lash out, and the first person I aim at is Rob. Poor Rob. It’s really a glass-half-empty situation, and all of a sudden, I go into my dark place and stare at wonder at the walls because DUDE, I’m usually a rainbows/butterflies/unicorns-DO-exist kind of person.
But I usually only stare at the walls of the dark place after I’ve gone and done something questionable. Something questionable like, um, write Rob’s mom a really long email about how her son is making my life a living hell. Haha! I’m kidding! I’d never do that. *ducks*
Okay, so yeah. I’m terrible. Awful. The email was followed by another email, entitled “Update” wherein I talked about how Rob and I talked things out and reconciled, and how I’m a crazy, crazy woman who loves her youngest son dearly. No word yet from the MIL. Last I heard, she’s still vacationing in Florida.
I thought about all the times when I want to ring Rob’s neck, and I realized that yes, he has moments of Leave Everything Up To Maria mode when I’d rather he be in Completely Involved mode. But those are really pretty few and far between. Mostly, when I get upset, it’s because I’m stressed and not acknowledging my own stress level. Now, there’s a light bulb moment!
For the most part, I know how to deal with things, so nothing bothers me. But when I’m sick? I’m pretty much good for nothing. I revert into my neonatal stage and want nothing more than to sleep and heal. So sick Maria = glass-half-empty Maria = quick-tempered and rash Maria.
This light bulb moment made me think about how good I’ve got it, and how little I feel that I can share. I mean, it’s all the same rainbows and unicorns, and honestly, the sheer beauty of it all makes me want to gag. Not that I’m giving haters a get-out-of-jail-free card, but I can see how my awesomeness piques their insecurities.
Lately, I’ve been spending more and more time on my novels, and doing so has allowed me to purge more than I ever thought possible. Every issue and annoyance and beauty and awesomeness that I’ve ever experienced is being acknowledged in those pages, thus rendering blogging kind of moot.
Most of my favorite blogs have been discontinued, and of the few that remain, only a handful update more than once a week. There have been some really awesome people that I’ve met through blogging, and I’m hopeful to remain in contact even if I eventually unplug.
For the meantime, I’m mulling over my options. Maybe I’ll just go straight mommy blog, and start over, detailing all the little things that go on in my new life. It’d definitely be more family-friendly aka I wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the link with my family or Rob’s family. But it also seems kind of boring. I mean, money? Not a problem. Family and friends? They’re wonderful! School? Couldn’t be better. Work? Meh, could be better, but it’s going swimmingly! Travel and adventure? I couldn’t ask for more! Rob and Riley? I’d tell you how I feel, but I think we’d both gag in the process.
I never thought I’d ever be able to type those words. I never thought I’d reach a place where I have no real worries. Boring?! Me? Yup, apparently so. That’s what happens when you’re happy, healthy, and drama-free.