- If left to her own devices, my son’s nanny will eat 3 weeks’ worth of groceries in less than a week. She’s done this already. Twice. I’m not sure how to stop it from happening without being a bitch.
- I can never stick to my schedule because my boyfriend and I are constantly and spontaneously having sex. Instead of hurrying up and busting a nut, he insists on lots of foreplay and giving me at least 3 mind-blowing orgasms every time we get down and dirty.
- My kid’s so cute, crowds form in public places to pinch his cheeks and coo at him. I am legitimately concerned about all the germs he’s exposed to.
- I went to the salon to get my hair dyed, and I’m pretty sure the very top of my head is lighter and brighter than the rest of my hair.
- I lost so much weight that none of my clothes fit me. Even my skinny jeans are mad baggy.
- My grades are so high, I’m afraid that when I go back to the States, people will assume I just paid for them.
- My boyfriend and I are damn near 30, and everyone thinks we’re half that age.
- I paid my seamstress a month ago for my new wardrobe, and all she’s finished are three custom–made dresses.
- I have so many unbelievably awesome and wonderful people in my life that I have a hard time keeping up correspondence with all of them.
- It’s impossible to plan a vacation more than a few days in advance because my work and school schedules are really hectic. We’ve already canceled two trips to Tokyo, and the way things look, we’ll only get to visit for 2 days when we finally go.
* Sarcasm, people. Sarcasm.