The end of an era.

I sat on the terrace, watching the day unwind and the sun set. Riley sat on my lap, taking it all in like  a world-weary warrior recently returned from a great odyssey.

We sat there, the two of us, each lost in thoughts, I’m sure, and as our breaths syncopated and our thoughts ran wild, I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of closure.

Rob will be here soon, and with his arrival will emerge the sequel in the great series of my life. Plans to make money, build a career in writing, add to our family, continue our academic journeys, and undertake amazing adventures are unfurling before my eyes. They are happening so quickly and so naturally that I feel as though I had no hand in creating this reality, even though I know the opposite is most certainly true. I’ve been working toward this point for so long. I’ve been railing against it and hoping for it and been all sorts of mixed up and crazy about it.

It’s been a risky enterprise, this evolution of mine. There were many times when I was sure I’d end up either dead and dismembered  in a ditch, or plastered on headlines for some fantastic and infamous crime. There were times of uncertainty, when I was sure that I had no one in my corner or at my back. There were times when I revolted against the people who loved me the most, and forced myself to live outside of prescribed boxes and social norms.

There were also times of great joy, invincibility, and wonderment, when I felt the intoxication of hubris and bliss bubbling inside of me. There were times when I felt so very loved and understood that I might burst from the pure positivity poured inside of me. There were times of unadulterated and amazing faith, when people put their all inside of me.

I’ve been doing a lot of experiencing, growing, learning, and changing, and no doubt, I will continue to do so. But this right here, this moment, on top of the terrace overlooking a dusty residential street in suburban Philippines, marks the end of something, something almost tangible. I can feel the grit washing away from beneath my fingernails, and the covert complications being stripped away from my life. I can feel all of my yesterdays melting beneath the sunset and solidifying into a golden nugget that I carry around always and with great pride and dignity.

If this stage of my life were a movie, the voice over at this point would say something cliched but persuasive, something in a tone of deep reverence and wisdom. The screen would go black. End credits would start rolling. And this song would start playing.


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