Imagine this being read by one of those deep-voiced narrators

When last we left our heroine, Mistress Mom aka Maria, she had moved from New York City with her baby to live in her parents’ native country, the Philippines. Her boyfriend/baby’s daddy stayed in New York City to make money, and, frankly, for other reasons that our heroine will never completely know or understand. Due to the bad economy, the bills he had to pay on behalf of Maria, and the fact that he’s working a dead-end job at a bar, Rob wasn’t able to make/save lots of money. That, coupled with the fact that Maria had wanted from the get-go for them to make the move together (and that her resentment for Rob’s staying behind was growing at an unimaginable rate, and might prove fatal to their relationship) caused Rob to go, “Holy fuck. I made a mistake.”

So Rob decided to move to the Philippines to live with his girlfriend and baby. He planned to enroll in nursing school alongside Maria, so that the two of them could be RNs by the time they moved back to New York, and they could start making some serious dual-income.

But there was a problem: money. How was Rob going to get to the Philippines?

There had been many plans aimed at fixing the problem, i.e.:

1) Rob’s mom had planned to visit the Philippines every February to see her only grandson. She was willing to pay for Rob to go with her. But when she found out that Rob wanted to stay in the Philippines, she made up a bunch of excuses and decided not to visit at all.

2) Rob would work until he earned enough money to buy the ticket to the Philippines. Alas, this proved too much for him to handle, and he buckled under the weight of pressure.

3) Rob would make like an illegal and hide in a compartment on a plane that was Manila-bound. Thus, he would be the first man to smuggle himself into the Philippines. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t allow him to pack any of the toys that Maria’s mom wanted to give Riley, so he decided against it.

In the end, this is what happened:

  1. Rob’s dad (aka Rob’s mom’s arch-nemesis) agreed to pay for Rob’s ticket to the Philippines if he went to visit him in California.
  2. Maria’s mom used her frequent flyer miles to purchase Rob’s ticket to L.A.
  3. Rob flew to L.A. on March 1st, and his dad bought him a ticket to the Philippines.

Now, the only question is, “When the fuck is Rob getting here?!”


2 responses to “Imagine this being read by one of those deep-voiced narrators

  1. LMAO Even though this is soooo not funny to you. It took me twice as long to read this post (due to the reading in deep voice); therefore, I got to enjoy this for twice as long.

    It won’t be long now…. hang in there.

  2. 🙂 “the funny” is the only thing keeping me from pulling my hair out sometimes LOL

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