The last time I blogged, it was to rant about Rob, and as productive as that was – really, it was! – I need to get to the meat of things. Yes, Rob bugs the crap out of me sometimes. Yes, he makes me all kinds of angry. Yes, I had doubts about being with him and his potential as a father. But when it boils right down to it, I’m glad that we’re together. The good outweighs the bad. I’d rather he be the one making me crazy than anyone else. Because let’s face it: I like being crazy. I mean, seriously: have you read my posts?
I was catching up on my blog reading, and it occurred to me that most bloggers sidestep the relationship talk. I mean, sure, they mention their honey and show pics of vacations spent together, but they don’t really get to the meat of things. They don’t get into detail about their last screaming match (unless it was funny) and they don’t delve into the depths of love and hate and otherness that they feel toward their significant other. Maybe I’m just not reading the blogs that talk about this stuff, or maybe most people just don’t write about this stuff, or maybe it’s just too personal and I should know better than to parade my relationship out in the open for all to read about.
It’s probably that last one that’s right.
Let’s face it: I talk a lot about my relationship with Rob. I talk about the heartachingly good just as much as I talk about the depressingly bad, and most of it has to do with his behavior and not my own. I know it’s one-sided, I know it’s rude and awkward, but it’s the only way I know how to be. I don’t know how to be a private person, and I don’t feel like I have anything to hide.
This – the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the screaming, the crying, the laughter, the tears, the Skype dates, the thoughtful gestures, the inside jokes – all of it is a relationship. It’s what makes Rob and I real. It’s what makes us complete people and able to have a complete relationship. Maybe you don’t get it – hell, sometimes WE don’t even get it. But, like Rob says, maybe it’s not for anyone to get. Maybe, as plain and simple as it seems, this is it. Introspection leads to nowhere. You take stock and either dive in or walk away. Maybe what we have is beyond any kind of knowledge, convention, or wisdom. Maybe it’s perfect that way. It sure feels like it.