And Rob and I are just NOW grasping the full weight of reality: no matter what we do, the odds are amazingly good that our child will one day be in therapy. For what and for how long, we can’t say. But the weight of this truth hangs on us like some gargantuan tarantula, all scary and spindly and making us itch.
Speaking of itching, aren’t hemorrhoids supposed to itch? Because for the first time in my life, I can say that I have em, and they don’t itch. They don’t burn. They don’t do anything that all the hemorrhoid treatments claim to cure. They’re just annoying – especially when I wanna get some. I mean, what with my having gained 37 pounds and all, there’s no way that entry can be had anywhere from the back, and even when I’m talking about vaginal entry, the thought of sexiness happening so close to a jumbled knot of veins hanging out of my ass just doesn’t inspire orgasms. Maybe it’s just me?
Another thing: My back just started aching. Let me say that again, because I know how miraculous this sounds: Not until my 38th week of pregnancy did my back start to hurt. Before a couple of days ago, I was all, “Why do pregnant women always complain about backache?” Now I know, and I apologize for my ignorance.
Rob’s good about kneading my sore muscles and massaging away my complaints, but one thing he can’t do is get rid of my carpal tunnel. Yep: something else that’s popped up in the last few days. My joints (especially in my left hand) inexplicably lock and swell, thus making it hard for me to do anything like clutching or holding or, ya know, general handiness.
It’s all sinking in and sounding so good that it almost sounds fake: In a few weeks, Rob and I will be parents. We’re materialistically more prepared than we’d imagined possible. And the baby and I are a couple pediatrician’s visits away from boarding a plane and starting another chapter – this time, on the other side of the world. Rob’s getting more and more used to this reality, a reality that he put into gear by disagreeing with my plans to stay in New York City (even after getting accepted to a nursing school here). And even though we both know it’s going to be challenging, and we realize how much we’ll miss each other, and we’ve discussed how this will affect Riley’s relationships with each of us, we also see all the advantages of being apart while we finish up our nursing degrees. I have some roots to sow, and he’s got some proving to do for himself. And really, with two weeks left till my due date and everything having fallen into place a little too tidily, all I can do is start compiling my memories of life as if was. I know that it’s going to be altogether different in a very short time.