What’s Your Take On This?

There’s no way of saying this without sounding like a complete case of paranoia, so I’ll just blurt it out: I think I know someone who’d be a better match for Rob, and because I really really really believe that she’s a better match for him and because I really really really do love him and want what’s best for him, I’ve considered breaking up with him and hooking them up.

How crazy does that sound?

I’ve told this to Rob, and he just laughs it off. But, I swear, sometimes – like when one of his quirks bothers the bejesus out of me and I remember that this woman would absolutely understand and adore these characteristics instead of going batshit crazy over them – I think I see a glint of agreement in his eyes. Maybe she would be better for me, he seems to be thinking. Maria knows her better than I do. And besides, why else would Maria believe it so much?

The thing is, I’ve become a firm believer that it’s choice that ultimately determines who we’re with – not love or compatibility, but our right to designate the role of life partner and the other person’s right to agree or disagree with said designation. If this is the case, then Rob’s chosen to be with me, so why does this bug me out so much? Am I just paranoid? And, if so, is it something that comes from my parents’ shitty relationship? Or is it something that will go away once the pregnancy hormones have died off?

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4 responses to “What’s Your Take On This?

  1. Have you considered trying an open relationship? Not in the weird stereotypical way that people seem to think of it. But just in a “free to see what’s out there” kind of way. It would take both of you to really agree to it and figure out what it means for you, so it’s not a quick fix or anything. But it might help you out when you get to points like these.

    Although, I have to say, nobody is perfect and not every pairing is perfect. So just as there are quirks that bother you that she might get, there are things that you like that she might hate.

  2. OH my. You have totally hit home with me on this. I, too, think of an old high school friend often…and think how she would get along with my boyfriend. I’m crazy about him, love him to death. But they are so alike, I can’t help but wonder.

    Maybe they’d hate each other. That’s what I keep telling myself.

  3. Sally – An open relationship is an awesome idea! It just doesn’t work for us. We’ve tried it *kinda* (meaning, I was free to see people but he didn’t want to do the same), and our experiment made me realize how much I really just want to be with him.

    I spent a couple of days really think about this, and I came to the conclusion that it’s all hormones… I guess, if I think similarly in a year, I’ll know that I’m wrong about that. LOL

    Becky – Ya know what really made me realize that it’s hormones speaking (or a momentary bout of self-deprecation)? I had a chat with a guy who – like my friend for Rob – is, on paper, a better match for me. Our personalities are just so similar; we automatically get each other.

    The more I spoke to this guy, though, the more I realized that it’s that *hard* part that makes me realize how much I want to be with Rob. Not in a masochistic kind of way, but in a “wow, if I know that I don’t have to deal with this craziness, but I *want* to deal with it because it’s with him, this MUST be the real deal.” And knowing that made all the queasiness about my friend being a possibly better partner for Rob go away.

  4. You know what they say: paranoia big destroyer. 😉

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