Odds are that if you’ve read my last entry, you’re thinking that I ended things with Rob and you’re also thinking (maybe?) that I’m not my usual articulate self. On the latter, I’m guilty as charged. (I wrote that last post in the public library, while teenagers were talking all kinds of loudly around me and I wasn’t able to concentrate. Plus, I wrote it only a day or two after throwing Rob out of the house, and set the timer to publish it later on in the week.) On the former, not so much.
Ya see, what I was trying to get at with that post, and what I failed at miserably, is the fact that my folks hit a particularly rough patch last week, and instead of dealing with it in a mature way, I had a panic attack, decided that Love doesn’t exist in the romantic sense, and kicked Rob out of the house. For a couple of days, I refused to see him or speak to him, except to scream and cry about how my parents are fucked up in the head and therefore Rob and I will never work out. I know, I know. I should’ve known better. But I didn’t.
Several nights after I threw him out, Rob called me and asked for the millionth time if he could come back home. I started rambling, saying things like, “What’s the use?” and “I can’t trust you.” Luckily, he allowed me to ramble on long enough to realize that I wasn’t voicing my concerns with Rob; I was voicing my mom’s concerns with my dad.
God, if Freud could sit me on his couch, he’d have a field day with me!
Long story short, Rob and I realized that a lot of our relationship problems aren’t really our problems at all; they’re our parents’ problems, magnified and projected onto each other. It felt good to finally identify this fact and to reach conclusions as to how we should deal with our fuck-upedness.We’re currently doing really well. Rob’s working a temp job and looking for full-time permanent work. I’m getting ready for my big move. This revelatory discovery of our relationship problems has made me feel like we’re invincible; it’s the mystery to happiness that I’ve been attempting to unravel for so long.
So yeah… Sorry to spin things so out of whack. Next time, I’ll just write things on the fly like I usually do. I’ve learned my lesson. Oh, and by the time I get back to the library to post again, I should have figured out how to post the pics my friends have taken of my baby belly.