One of my good friends is in a relationship that I know nothing about.
We’ve been growing apart for some time, but it still feels like a slap on the wrist. Wasn’t I important enough to call once in a while? To text? To email? If not about her new relationship, about her job, her mom, her life? Six months ago we hung out all the time, went to yoga together, complained about men, etc. I was the only person who didn’t bail on her birthday plans. And now… I feel hurt. Rejected. Officially cast into the “Them” pile. That’s what the world is divided into, ya know: Uses and Thems. The inner circle and the audience. The people you fight for and the people you fight against. There are no in-betweens.
I know full well that it takes very little to go from gossiping with someone to being gossiped about. That all of our actions seperate and distinguish us from each other. That, especially in your 20s, it’s common to revamp and replenish your social circle as much as you do your fashion accessories. But it doesn’t matter if it is normal. It still sucks.
The fact is, I can feel my life changing. I’m no longer a great ball of potential, waiting for the next big thing to happen to me. My life is happening. It’s going somewhere real, worthy and tangible, and not just spinning in the world of hypotheticals. Most of my friends aren’t with it quite yet, and the ones that are actively working aren’t necessarily working towards goals that I find worthy. I can feel them falling onto the wayside while I continue on my journey-
Listen to me! I’m being a total bigot, I know. It’s just that, with this newfound solidity, I’m aware that some people, some lifestyles, and some perspectives just aren’t welcome in my immediate vicinity. I just don’t want to deal with them.
Por ejemplo: I no longer have the will to deal with rude people, obnoxious people, fake people, or liars. And if these rude/obnoxious/fake/lying people are conservative Republicans? Forget about it! In the past, I would chalk up these characters to “good fodder for my writing.” But after dealing with these types for so long – all in the vain of making my experiences more colorful and therefore bettering my writing – I’m so over it. I just want to be surrounded by good, substantial, and mature people who have similar values to my own. I don’t want to continuously have to prove myself and the value of my choices. I don’t want to always have to cut people down by showing them the error of their ways-
There I go again! *laugh*
I swear I don’t mean to sound like such an elitist prick. But there comes a time in each person’s life when they have to take responsibility for their choices, stake claim on their future, and say, “This is what I’m about. Fuck you if you don’t like it!” I’m taking that “Fuck you!” part pretty literally.
NOTE: I spoke to the friend whose Facebook relationship status sent me into a tizzy, and she’s not actually in a relationship. She just feels better declaring that she’s taken.
Well, then. Color me quick to judge.