My decision to become a mom is just that: my decision to become a mom. It has nothing to do with you and your choice of taking on paternal responsibilities. Truth be told, I know that you’re not ready for fatherhood. You’re still very much a child at heart. A wanna-be vagabond with abandonment issues and a Peter Pan complex. A 27-year old man who has never held down a job for more than 6 months.
I’m smart enough to know that no baby will save a doomed relationship, and that after three years (more or less) together, you won’t just wake up, smell the urine on the ept, and realize that you have to change yourself and your life to better accommodate our baby.
But I also know in my bones that I need to have this baby. I can’t have another abortion. After 24 years of toiling with coming-of-age dramas, I’ve grown into my own skin and I’m ready to share my insights and perspectives with my child. I may not have a lot of money, but I do have character, a sense of self and a good grip on Life. I’m ready to be a mom.
And now, on this Christmas day 2008, it’s come to my attention that your impending fatherhood hasn’t struck a chord and that the birth of our baby probably won’t change your steely countenance. You might always be the same immature, self-centered, and cowardly man that you’ve always been – and by God, I can’t say that I blame you.
We all have our own paths to walk, hand-me-down hysterics, and pointed personal problems. Becoming a father might just be a detour that you’ll gloss over and never really acknowledge on your map of Life. I don’t know what the future has in store, if my child will ever have a dad, or if you’ll ever take financial or emotional responsibility for your progeny.
But I know this: regardless of your decision, it will never deter my child from receiving all of the love and care that he/she needs, wants and deserves. My child will be clothed and fed and housed and nurtured and taught and spoiled rotten with bedtime stories and goodnight kisses. And if you should ever feel the need to pick up where you left off, don’t feel embarrassed or afraid: my child will be loving and understanding and will do his/her best to give you a chance. S/He’ll have a good heart. Of that, you can be certain.